CONSIDERING A PARTNER? Start Right and Have a Process
Based on experience, Thomas guarantees “It is 1000 times easier getting into an unhealthy relationship than getting out of one. We generally have indications the relationship would not be good but chose to ignore them.”
We commit to many romantic relationship while we in the infatuation stage. Not a great idea. Infatuation passes but the relationship still exists. Spiritual Engineering offers a few ideas that increase your likelihood to enjoy an extraordinary relationship:
Seven Considerations for Relationships
Both partners should:
- Share similar core values
- Exhibit a degree of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional compatibility
- Have loving tolerance and respect for differences
- Have, or be willing to jointly find, a proven process that
- builds the relationship on a natural order
- establishes the nature and priority of the three primal relationships
- helps each person grow individually
- builds and nurtures the union
- Actively work on that process—individually and together
- Commit to the idea that being happy is more important than being right, never hesitate to admit mistakes, and demonstrate healthy forgiveness.
- Exhibit the desire to share their great fortune with others.
On a scale of 1 to 10, you are unlikely to find anyone that you think is 10 in all areas. They’re just not out there. We are all a work in progress; however, if you wait for that “perfect” someone, you may miss a great opportunity. These are just guidelines to help avoid overlooking key areas that may cause contention. Strawser points out “If you see major areas of concern, don’t expect a magical transformation or believe that love conquers all.Change is difficult but definitely possible.” Spiritual Engineering citesfive essential requirements for change:
Five Factors Required for Change
- Accept the problem.
- Want to solve the problem.
- Identify a solution that works.
- Implement this solution–do the work.
- Perform the necessary maintenance.
All of these factors must be in place before any long-lasting change will take effect. They apply to anyone who wants change, whether it's our self or someone else. They also clarify why we cannot make another person change. We can lead, browbeat, threaten, and coerce, but we can rarely instill the acceptance or the basic desire for change. These have to be self-initiated.
Again, Spiritual Engineering offers a few concise points:
- Compromising any of my core values for a relationship will always cause continuing misery.
- Love is simply an active, healthy concern for a person’s well being.
- I must accept myself just as I am before I can learn to accept and love others
- Learning tolerance requires being around people things that bother me. I can learn to accept the person but disagree with the action.
- Believe what you see. Marriage or commitment alone will not produce change without willingness, action, and dedication to a process that yields the desired results.