GOD and LADY: Trusting God or a horse?
I realized short time ago that I trusted my horse more than I trusted God for quite a few years. I hate to admit this and it sounds almost sacrilegious when writing it, but it’s true.
I love to ride horseback the high wilderness country in the Rocky Mountains. These rides can be miles from the nearest road or phone. The rugged terrain, the weather, the grizzly bears, and other outdoor challenges add some risk to this hobby. I had a mare, Lady that was an experienced mountain horse and thoroughly dependable. As we spent time together traveling this isolated mountain country, I learned to trust and rely on her experience and abilities. I soon took this trust in her for granted and sometimes put us in precarious situations because I knew I could depend on her to help me get out.
One late October we were riding back to the trailhead. It was snowing a little and I had stayed late in the backcountry. We were miles from roads, phones, or any kind of civilization. The last couple miles we rode in a pitch – black night. The heavy cloud cover and the canopy of pine made it so dark that I had to ride with a hand in front of me to prevent limbs from hitting me in the face. I literally could not see Lady’s head or anything else – up, down, or sideways. It was just totally black. I knew we were approaching a place where the trail was just 2 feet wide. For 100 yards, this narrow section of trail had a steep bank on one side and a sheer drop of 300 ft to the river on the other side. If she slipped or went over the side in the darkness, I would be badly hurt or worse. I had to just trust her instincts and let her take me to safety.
The sound of the river’s rushing water let me know when we were to this part of the trail. I simply kicked my feet out of the stirrups and let her have control. Lady never slowed down or missed a step. She just followed the trail and took us safely to the truck. I never even had a second thought or a doubt that she would do it. We had ridden that country, that trail many times, and I simply trusted her judgment and ability.
This trust was not something that came with the horse or an overnight accomplishment. I had not trusted her like this when we first went into the mountains but slowly came to appreciate her abilities and totally rely on her instincts in such situations. In other words, she had earned my trust through our experiences together. To me today, this serves as an example of true trust.
I had started my spiritual journey before I bought this mare; however, I learned to trust this horse before I learned to trust God. Lady’s dependability was on a physical level – something I could see. As I trusted her to do something, I could verify the immediate “cause and effect” results. For example, when I let her pick our trail in the mountains back to camp, she always chose the correct way. I also knew that she wasn’t going to take over if I didn’t let her – I had the reins – I was in control. She would only do what I let her do.
It took me much longer to verify God’s dependability in my personal life because I sometimes had trouble seeing the “cause and effect” relationship. It also took me some time to fully accept that I have free-will choice with God the same way I did with my mare. He doesn’t try to take the reins away from me but only participates in my life as much as I choose to let Him.
It has taken me years to trust God in my life as much as I did that mare. Sometimes I still have a problem doing it. I seem to set certain areas of my life aside and don’t want Him interfering in them. These areas are for me to control and manage and these are also the areas that cause me the most pain, discomfort and misery. If I have any worry, stress, anxiety, anger, fear, resentment, or guilt then I am not trusting God as much as I trusted my horse. I felt none of these feelings when she brought me down the trail that night or other nights. I simply trusted her with my health, my well-being and actually my life. I trusted her to take me through some perilous territory when I could not see the path, what was around us, or even the next step ahead.
Today I try to check my life regularly to see what areas I am saying I trust God to help me, but then follow my own path. Is it my job, my finances, relationships, my future or other areas that I am keeping for myself? Where I am still holding the reins to keep control? Do I say I am allowing Him in, but actually keeping Him at arms length from this private domain? Am I keeping Him just outside the door where He’ll be handy if I need Him? In these restricted areas of my life, do I tell myself that these are personal – that I shouldn’t concern Him – or do I feel if I let him in, I may see answers I don’t like? Do I honestly trust Him or not? Do I have the trust and confidence in His guidance that I had in my horse on that dark night? Will I go where this inner spiritual leading takes me even when I can’t see the path ahead?
At least today I know that I can be fooling myself if I don’t make a sincere effort to be honest with myself. This honesty about my true reliance on my spiritual power is not something I can just think about because my rationalizing mind will justify what it wants. I must pray about it, talk to a friend about it, and try to observe how it is changing my life.
Life is wonderful and is a continuous learning process. I have been fortunate to encounter many teachers on my journey but I have to be teachable –willing to learn. Even from a horse.